A suspected drug dealer who hid his contraband up his arse when he got nicked, has been in custody for three weeks as Oppos in Essex Police wait for the wrong-un to s__t out the drugs.
The London-based drug dealer was lifted by Officers from Essex Police’ @OperationRaptorWest unit on 16th January and was subsequently charged with two counts of possession with intent to supply.
Chelmsford Magistrates’ Court had granted Essex Police permission to keep the drug dealer in detention, until he ‘passed’ the drugs. This was initially for 190 hours, but owing to the wrong-un’s refusal to take a dump, this period has been increased to three weeks.
@OpRaptorWest have created a hashtag of #HowLongCanYouGo as the stubborn dealer has somehow managed to take complete control of his bowel movements, by not going for a poop.
As day number 20 approached, thousands of followers waited with bated breath to find out whether #PooWatch had come to its messy & toxic end.
We say toxic, because anyone who holds in their brown trout for that length of time, will inevitably ‘give birth’ to a phenomenal creation of putrid faeces.
On their most recent tweet, Essex Police Oppos confirmed that #PooWatch was still an ongoing incident. This fella, the suspect, clearly has the ability to control his internal organs like a true zen master.
Spare a thought though, for the poor Officers who are having to watch this muppet until he has what will surly be the world’s largest brown cable.
The @S__tsAndGiggles team may put together some sort of ‘cleansing’ kit so that the officers who are tasked with keeping an eye on the suspect can each be deep-cleaned when the inevitable happens.
We would advise Essex residents to stay away from windows and open-spaces for the next 24 hours, as we are certain that this huge ‘blockage’ will, at some point, start to ‘move’.
Written by Cop(ex) – one of the team of Admins behind Emergency Services Humour on Facebook, and a regular contributor to our fortnightly satirical digital newsletter which you can subscribe to for only £1 / $1 per month!
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