As admins, we have deadlines for certain things and I have to admit, sometimes we miss them by a country mile.
Take a recent incident, for example. We were supposed to get some stuff sorted by a certain date and to put it bluntly, at least 2 of us missed it by a country mile!
It was only when the Boss at ESH Towers metaphorically prodded us with the sharp end of his letter opener that we realised. I was in the wrong week, while my fellow tardy admin was in a time warp all of his own, managing to be both 2 days behind himself and one day ahead of us, all at the same time.
Now shift workers, particular mixed shift workers, will understand this phenomenon perfectly, but “normal” people tend to be puzzled by how on Earth you can forget what day it is, let alone what week. How can you forget something so simple?
Trust me. When you often start work on the same day you finished work and public holidays have no meaning, it’s so easy. Days, weeks and months all merge into one. But there are a few pointers that can help, my fellow lost time travellers. (Not enough to meet deadlines, as we have proved, but enough to give a vague idea of where you are in the week, month and year.) I’ll start with the obvious stuff and boil it down to the more complicated bits as we go. Sort of like a 12 week detectives course condensed…
1. Tree branch’s are bare, you can see your breath on the air, your ID is bent from scraping the ice off the windscreen – you will get a proper ice scraper one day – and you haven’t seen daylight in God knows how long. It’s winter. Or if you don’t need the ice scraper, could be summer in Scotland.
2. Tree branches covered in greenery, bored children are hanging around on street corners and vibrantly patterned pink people are wearing far less than they should be. Definitely summer. And it’s been sunny for at least two days.
3. Flashing lights, plastic Santa’s and reindeers adorning houses and gardens and shops selling crackers (of the pull and bang variety, not the cheese and pickle type) and playing cheesy music. Somewhere between October and January.
4. Bangs and flashes in the sky. Late September to late November. Or someone’s birthday. Or wedding. Or a public occasion. Actually, forget that one. It could be any time of the year!
5. Narrowing things down a bit more, work load rises sharply. Lots of drunk and disorderly people. It’ll be the last week of so of the month. Pay has been paid. If it’s full out carnage, then it used to be a Friday or Saturday but now could be anywhere between Thurs and Sunday. Or there’s a football tournament on.
6. This is where it gets tricky. Narrowing it down to the day. This used to be easy. Daytime quizzes on. It’s a week day. Saturday Kitchen on, a Saturday and Sunday Brunch, obviously a Sunday. Dependant on what soaps were on, you could even tell whether it was an “even” day or an “odd” day. But now they all seem to be on all of the time, so that’s no help. Even Jeremy Kyle, so I’m told…
So I have come up with a sure fire way to tell not only what season, month, week and day it is but even whether it’s night or day!
7. Look at your phone. And for Christ’s sake, put any anniversaries, birthdays etc into the calendar in advance with at least 4 reminders spaced over the week prior to the event in question unless you like a steely silence and sleeping on the sofa!
Meanwhile, “normal” people, please have patience with us. We’re trying our hardest, I promise. And if you ever want to spot the shift worker, look through social media and birthday messages. We’ll be the ones saying “Apologies for being late but I hope you had a wonderful Birthday! Last week…”
Written by one of the many admins of Emergency Services Humour who is also a regular blogger in our fortnightly eMagazine ’S__ts & Giggles’ which you can sign up to by visiting our Facebook page and clicking on the ‘sign up’ button or by visiting: ShitsAndGiggles.Online
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