If you think that the Police should not be allowed to use Spit Hoods, then please let me spit in your face!

The Chaps and Chapesses over at ‘Liberty’, seem to think that spit hoods are “primitive” and “cruel”. I can only assume that they are referring to the fact that in order to wear one, you must first act in a ‘cruel’ and ‘primitive’ manner? This rationale is the only plausible (in my eyes) reason for such an assertion, regarding the Polices’ use of spit hoods.

Spitting in the face of a Police Officer (or anyone else for that matter) is a sure sign that you are acting in a ‘cruel’ and ‘primitive’ way. But unfortunately, the chaps and chapesses at Liberty are not referring to the degrading actions of a feral human who decides to indeed share their rancid bodily fluids with the fine men and women of law ‘enforcement’.

Instead, they seem to think that if you , as a Police Officer, come up against a disgusting specimen of humanity, who decides to plaster your face with their phlegm, then you should maybe just ‘accept’ it as part of the Job. I think not!

Of course, no reasonable human being in their right mind would agree with such a ridiculous sentiment. I can only assume that anyone, not just the chaps and chapesses at Liberty, who thinks that the Police should not be allowed to use spit hoods when facing the dregs of society, has never actually had a face full of gob launched into their face (from someone other than their sexual partners).

During my time in the Metropolitan Police, I was relatively fortunate in that I rarely had to endure the putrid spit of a suspect being spread over my keen and eager face. But many of my colleagues were not as lucky. 99% of the time, you can get a feeling as to whether or not the fine citizen you are dealing with, might take the persona of an attacking snake, and spit in your face.

But the ‘fun’ does not stop after the suspect has been ‘placed’ (using no more force than is necessary) on the floor. Once you have managed to find cell space, often on the other side of London, you then have the prospect of wondering as to whether or not the feral entity who spat in your face, has got some sort of contagious disease which often accompanies the sort of person willing to share their bodily fluids with you in such a non-consensual way.

So not only do victims of the human snakes have to get the gob off of their faces, but they then also have to contend with the prospect that they might actually contract a nasty disease. This will often mean that they then also have to tell their partner about what has happened, just in case their partner also gets some sort of disease (via consensual ‘activities’).

If you are the sort of person, who would spit in the face of a Police Officer, then you 100% deserve to have a spit hood placed on your vile & shameful head. You also deserve to be placed (delicately) on the floor, so that Police Oppos can bound you up like a halloumi wrap.

And ANYONE who thinks that the Police should not be allowed to use spit hoods, MUST volunteer to go out on a Friday or Saturday with their local Po Po, and at the very moment when a detained person looks like they are about to launch their bodily-fluid attack, then the spit-hood-denier MUST put themselves in the firing line.

Once you have completed these tasks, then please come back to this article, and share your feelings in the comments below. I would debate with anyone (Dianne Abbott) as to why the Police should not only be allowed to use spit hoods, but why the Police MUST be allowed to use them.

The Police Officer’s right to NOT contract a disease from a vile suspect, FAR OUTWEIGHS the suspects bruised & butt hurt ego. If you dont not want to be placed in a spit hood, then keep your rancid & filthy bodily fluids in your body!

This article has been written by one of the Admins of Emergency Services Humour, who is also a contributor to our fortnightly satirical eMagazine, S__ts & Giggles. To subscribe to our eMagazine, CLICK HERE