If you are unlucky enough to catch 'crabs' then please do not call an EMERGENCY ambulance

When (most) civilians think of the emergency services, they will conjure up visions of our oppos (colleagues) hurtling towards an emergency call whereby someone may need life-saving help and/or assistance.

That’s probably why (unless you live in London where emergency vehicles hurtle past you every 30 seconds) you might still get ‘tingles’ down your spine when you spot an emergency vehicle rushing towards a call.

Although, to be fair, when I used to drive around London on blues-and-twos in my clapped out Vauxhall Astra, most of the time I would get some numpty intentionally walk out in front of me because they didn’t like the Cops.

Were the traffic laws in this country a bit more lapse, then I probably wouldn’t have slowed down when faced with a real-life ‘speed bump’.

After all, if someone wants to walk out in front of a clapped out Vauxhall Astra that is travelling at the speed of a sloth, then that’s up to them.

But what if I told you, that one of our oppos has sent us some details of a call that they attended (categorised as an emergency) whereby the informant was so concerned about their unwelcome crabby ‘friends’ which they had found, that they felt the only suitable solution, was to call the emergency services and demand an ambulance?

You would think that I am making it up right?

You would assume that no-one in their right mind would use one of the worlds BEST emergency services for such a ‘situation’?

However my friends, I have to inform you that someone did indeed call the emergency services for JUST this reason. I am going to let that sink in for a moment-or-two…..

I have never had an STI. Mainly, because I was shipped out of the country aged 16 by my family in order to serve in the armed forces. Thus my ‘prime’ years were spent in the company of hairy-arsed blokes (not my ‘thing’).

Whilst on a 9 month deployment, making love to a toilet roll holder is relatively risk free (unless you get caught and/or don’t use baby oil).

30571325_10160381287865615_4838810022253166592_o — A sneak peak of the call. We will reveal more in the next issue of our subscriber only eMagazine

But I would have thought that perhaps calling a pest control company would be more suitable if you are ever unlucky enough to contract crabs? Or maybe, I dunno, even taking a trip down to your local STI clinic would be more appropriate?

Or maybe laying naked on Southend seafront (out of view of the public) would do the trick, as everyone knows that seagulls enjoy eating crabs?

However, in this Friday’s issue of our popular subscriber-only eMagazine, S__ts & Giggles, we will reveal the details of the ‘crabby’ call that was attended by someone on the incredibly #ThinGreenLine.

We always reserve content such as this for our eMagazine, as some of our ‘material’ isn’t suitable to share in pubic 🙂

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