‘I Start As A Call Handler In Feb – I Could Do With Some Advice (Wrong Advice Only)’ | Guest Blog

Whenever a new member of the emergency services family joins up, then it’s always a wondrous and magnificent occasion. 

This morning we had a message via our Facebook page from someone who will be joining the thin green line in Feb next year! 

For the new recruit, then gone are the monotonous days of simply doing the same things over and over again in the typical civvy job.  

And, in this case, our newly entered-oppo will find that no two calls are ever the same. 

Some calls will be uplifting whilst others will be truly saddening. 

So, it’s only right that those oppos who are already on the front line in Emergency Operation Centres around the country give their advice on what NOT to do in a light-hearted attempt to indoctrinate this soon-to-be oppo into the world of the emergency services. 

So in true emergency services tradition, if you work in an EOC then add your ‘advice’ on what NOT to do in the comments below. 

Keep it light hearted and lets get a few smiles based on the satirical wisdom of the ‘old sweats’ who know exactly what NOT to do when starting in the role of 999 call handler…..


  • When someone says, ” get here now” just tell them to look up into the sky, they will see the TARDIS which has a paramedic on board to see to their every need, oh, and get the kettle on.

  • When you reach the knackered point of no return st 3.45 am on a Saturday Pay weekend, and little Mary is on the floor waiting for assistance, don’t just randomly start reading out the DLS for a RTC by accident…..turn on flashing hazard lights and stand well clear of approaching traffic….yes I actually did this!

  • Whenever you have an angry caller on the phone wanting your name so that they can blame all of the issues of the NHS on your band 2/3 ass remember to give them the name of your least liked line manager. (don’t do this XD)

  • When someone keeps making hoax calls all day, from 2200 starting doing callback welfare checks every 30minutes until your shift finishes (hopefully about 0600)

  • When someone tells you to triangulate their position from their mobile phone signal, just tell them that you need to adjust the satellites and this could take up to one hour so it’s best if they just have a look on Google maps!

Let us know what YOU think in the comments below!