‘999: It Doesn’t Matter At All’ | Guest Blog

This was sent into us by one of our followers (Emergency Services Humour). It shares a very important and very real message. One that could save lives: 

‘Well once again it’s that time of year,

It was once so far away but now it draws near,

Tis the season of happiness and all good will,

But as ambulance staff know, many people become ill,

The time for Christmas parties and plenty to drink,

Which keeps us so busy as people wretch in the sink

After a chat on the ‘big white phone’

They then pass out to the floor with a grunt and a moan

‘What do we do? Who’s shall we call?

Gotta be 999, it doesn’t matter at all…’

As the crew arrive they are met by a crowd.

Drunk and Boisterous and incredibly loud,

‘Quick over here’ they all scream and shout

‘She’s not breathing’ but the crew have their doubts

‘Hello can you hear me?’ the Paramedic asks

‘She’s never normally like this’ a clinging friend barks

Suddenly her eyes start to open and flutter,

Looking up in confusion she then starts to mutter

‘Sorry you have been called out, I hate to waste your time…

I bet you have more important patients out there to find’

The crew do their checks to ensure she is stable,

and then leave her in the hands of the friends who are able

So while this crew is tied up attending to this scene,

An elderly lady falls, and strikes her head with a scream,

As she fades into unconsciousness the blood starts to flow,

Her elderly husband shouts to the neighbours below

999 is called by the neighbours in need,

‘Come here now please, get here with speed…’

With all the Christmas cheer the alcohol is now flowing,

and people get crazy, without really knowing,

Control dispatch vehicles to cover the calls,

But sadly none were spare to cover this ladies fall

Finally the sound of sirens, a reassuring din,

the neighbours ran out to show the crew in

As the crew rush upstairs and entered the door,

a frightening sight greeted them down on the floor,

As the elderly lady lay, blood dripping from her head,

Her poor husband George somehow knew she was dead

Despite their best efforts the crew had to concede,

that they had not been there when they were most at need

Now of course this was not the fault of the crew,

But they had been out attending to those who had ‘Just a few’

As they consoled George he looks up with a tear,

He trembles to say this was their Golden Wedding year

So when you go out for your Christmas drinks

If you get really tipsy, just stop to think

As the directors took her body away,

George stared at the sky and started to pray

‘Merry Christmas my love I will really miss you,

Under the mistletoe, I can no longer kiss you’

He turned to the Christmas tree and bowed his head,

Christmas now meant nothing his love was now dead.

Please drink sensibly this festive season,

and only ring 999 if you have TRUE reason.’

Written by Adam Lethbridge

Got a blog, video or story for our team? Contact us anonymously using any of the contact details below. We are interested in emergency services related stories and videos from both civilians and serving members of the emergency services, NHS or armed forces. 

Our team comprises exclusively of former armed forces and emergency services personnel. 

Email: emergency_services_humour@outlook.com | Follow & find us on Twitter @ES_Humour | Follow & find us on Facebook @EmergencyServicesHumour


  • Unfortunately My crew mate and I held the record Number of deaths in a 12 hour christmass day shift for a number of years.TWO RTAs the rest was people who had got excited at seeing family on the once a year visit. and the lonely who had no one except memories total of 14 and that included a cot death . That was many years ago My crew mate Died a few years back But Im still here and still dont like christmass

  • its time to give drunks that waste the time of any emergency services .
    on the spot fines or prison in some cases.

Let us know what YOU think in the comments below!