BUFFOONS call 999 (Police) because of lost KEYS and low-flying HEMs Chopper

Screen Shot 2018-05-31 at 11.10.54

31st May ’18  | Twitter @ES_Humour | Contact us |Visit our Website


Numpties call Essex Police after losing keys and low-flying helicopters


As always, the bank holiday weekend was a busy time for our over-worked and under-paid emergency services.

In between dealing with non-crime domestics and buffoons who cannot handle their alcohol, Police in Essex also had to contend with time-wasting 999 calls about lost keys and low-flying HEMs.

It turns out that HEMs had attended a call at an address in Billericay on Monday evening, although it is not known as to whether or not the 999 call made to the police at around the same time concerning a low-flying helicopter and the HEMs deployment are related.

But chances are, they were.


Tour Four 24_05 Blurred

(the profanities, for the purpose of this advert, have been blurred out. The blurring is not on the actual mugs)



A spokesman for the Essex Police Force Control Room told reporters from the Gazette News: “Whilst on this call other 999 calls are stacking and our call handlers can’t deal with people who genuinely need our help.”

Later that evening, an individual thought best to clal 999 and ask for the Cops after they had inadvertently locked themselves out of their house.

Apparently, they called 999 and asked to speak to the Police as they were not sure what to do in this ’emergency’ situation (sarcasm).

In what must have been the usual pre-cursor to a full moon, another concerned citizen dialled 999 because they thought that they had seen a snake in the road.

These calls, however, still cannot get anywhere near the idiocy required to make an emergency call to the Police because you are concerned for the welfare of a cold-looking duck – something that we wrote about in a previous article


Embroidered Kit Bags

Check out our range of personalised and non-personalised kit bags, starting from just £14.99p !! SHOP NOW —>



If you cannot find your door keys, then ‘most’ people understand that you need to call a locksmith, and not the Police.

Of course, there are exceptions to this scenario if, for example, you have accidentally locked your kids in your house etc.

Common sense SHOULD, however, help people to know when to and when not to call the Cops.

But I find it hard to understand why anyone would think that the Police should be called because someone has lost the keys to their house?

And why the hell would you call the Cops, because you have seen a snake in the road? Since when have Police Officers been ‘snake whisperers’!?

And what did the person who called the Cops after seeing a HEMs chopper landing actually think that the Police could/would do? Order the helicopter to return to base without providing potentially life-saving critical care?

It should be fairly obvious to anyone with some common sense as to why this chopper might be landing in a field near to you.

The ‘intel’ we have, is that the London Air Ambulance landed next to an address in Billericay, Essex (not too sure why the Essex HEMs wasn’t deployed) where two ambulances and an RRV were also parked.

And yet, someone decided to call Essex Police on 999 in order to report this low-flying life-saving asset.

Maybe local Councils need to start offering free presentations to the general public regarding when to, and when not to, call the emergency services?

Our team of former emergency services admins would be more than happy to oblige, if it means that our colleagues don’t have to have their time wasted by dealing with ‘incidents’ which should be shared on local Facebook discussion pages rather than with the actual emergency services.

And yet, people wonder why there can sometimes be such a long delay between calling the emergency services and help arriving.

Its because, in part, people just seem not to understand what the actual role of the emergency services is!

Written by one of the many Admins of Emergency Services Humour on Facebook, who is also a regular contributor to our popular fortnightly satricial £1-per-month digital magazine. 

Anyone can subscribe to our satirical digital publication, whether you serve in the emergency services or not. Sign up here —> 

Whilst you are here, we have a quick favour to ask! 

Acting as the unofficial no-nonsense voice of the emergency services, NHS and armed forces takes up a considerable amount of time and effort. Time and effort which we are not paid for.

We do not have any ‘paywalls’ in place in order to read our articles, so we have to instead rely on contributions from our readership in order to keep us going! Without your support, then we cannot achieve our mission of being the voice for they who are not officially ‘allowed’ to have such a voice. 

If you are willing and able, then please consider supporting our work, by making a contribution to our crowdfunding page via ‘FundMyPage.com’CLICK HERE 



Got a story or a video to share? You can contact our team (anonymously) at any time – we are the ONLY “information” outlet trusted by serving and former emergency services, NHS and armed forces personnel – contact our team –> 




Let us know what YOU think in the comments below!